Racing Driver Eaten Alive By Giant Ant At Barber Motorsports Park

BIRMINGHAM, AL — Admitting that his expectations about a ant attack turned out to be pretty far off-base, racing driver Drew Roberts remarked Monday that being eaten alive by a 12-foot giant ant was not nearly as frightening as he once believed it would be.

“This is something that’s always paralyzed me with sheer terror, but now that I’m actually being eviscerated alive by enormous pinchers, it’s actually not that bad,” said Roberts, who added that he had “made a mountain out of molehill” as he watched his Spleen jet from his body into the grass of turn 2.

“I don’t know how I got it into my head that being torn limb from limb would be so scary. Honestly, hearing my family screaming on the stands is the worst part.”

As several more ravenous ants began to circle the gruesome remains of what used to be his torso, Roberts noted that his recent real-world experience had pretty much ruined A Bug’s Life for him.