Driver Of Crashed Goodwood Lotus Salvaged For Parts

WEST SUSSEX, ENGLAND — Following the crash of the $2.3M Lotus Evija X Hypercar at the Goodwood Festival Of Speed, sources reported that the driver involved in the crash was hauled off and salvaged for parts. 

“He looked like a total loss when they brought him in here, but we were surprised by how many usable parts we were able to save,” said Byron Hill, who led the salvage efforts, adding that despite extensive damage to his exterior and a pair of entirely demolished kidneys, he and his team managed to reclaim a couple decent lungs and hands that still worked “like a charm” thanks to his NFR gloves.

“The wreck really mangled that guy, but we might be able to fix his leaky heart valve and get some good use out of it. Unfortunately, the rest is so scraped up and damaged that all we can do is cart it out to the yard with all the other completely totaled ones.” 

At press time, Hill was baffled by how the driver had even managed to drive around with a liver in such bad shape.